The phrase “missed timing” isn’t one I use very often to explain the world. It is typically a phrase used to explain a mechanic in my favorite game. After getting my chance to see if missed timing exists in a worldly context, I was left with more questions than answers.

Chain link one: She was here and we shattered, because of the things I couldn’t do.

Chain link two: I became ridiculously attached to living life and being active and hanging out with my friends and even going on road trips around Texas, I ended up burning myself out on life.

It seems like, for the first time, I didn’t completely shutdown. I decided to do something different and experience life. After losing the same person time and time again from my lack of enthusiasm, I tried my hardest to live a full life. I threw myself into the arms of best friendship and going out on friend dates and being a person I traditionally don’t have a strong clue how to be.

I was never able to do that with you. I couldn’t harmonize to the music and now every time I sing, I try to catch the harmony with my ears or create one in my head on the fly. Whenever I’m with my Logan and Amelia, I dance like a fool. Don’t Rain on My Parade by Barbra Streisand was the first song I belted with the full capacity of my ability to the point that I was genuinely tired after singing. (It was the Glee version, so much more intense.) I held that note out at the end with everything I had and didn’t let go for the life of me(If you know you know). Singing Hannah Montana at work, because I’m a weirdo.

If any one of my friends need me, I jump at a moments notice to save them from the predicament they could be in. If they need a ride to work or from work, I’m there. The other day, I picked them up and for the first time ever, I asked if they would stay with me. If they’d ride with me for a while, because I needed company. I chose not to be alone. I actively told myself you need them. Sam asked me to go for lunch and after a year and a half, I finally said yes.

Chain links and missed timing seems to be something that I have found a real world comparison to. Sometimes the chain link falls wonky and your effect misses timing. You cant go back in a tournament and replay that. If you missed timing, that’s on you for not knowing how your deck works. All anyone can ever do in that situation is pick up the pieces and keep up with the game, hoping that wasn’t the play that cost you the whole match.

The discovery of a me that wants to enjoy life is very much a work in progress, but every single day, I make progress towards trying to be that person again. If I ever was that person to begin with. Trying to be someone who knows how to not take himself so seriously and genuinely smile, because the things around me make me genuinely happy.

The actions all of us take, fall into the chain link and, sometimes(most times), they will miss timing. All anyone can ever do in that situation is pick up the pieces and keep playing the game, hoping that wasn’t the play that cost them the whole match, knowing that it most likely was and taking the steps in the future to keep from making the same mistakes again with any other person that comes your way looking for a duel.